Does the loss of a family member get any easier? It's been 4 years since my sister was killed and it still hurts. I've been crying all day.

The years can make the pain dull a little but it never gets too much better.

The pain diminishes as you get on with life but it doesn't leave completely. It's so easy to step back into the sadness.

Remember what Queen Elzabeth (well, her speech writer) said a few years ago: "Grief is the price we pay for love." It's a price worth paying.

My background resulted in a high tolerance level for loss in general---I'm used to it.

My convictions about the immortality of the soul and the properties of a resurrected body make it pretty easy for me to fit physical death into the mix.

And in general, I think that anything that is good will somehow be present in eternity.

Temporary loss leading to eventual re-acquisition---works for me.

I agree with Ancient Hippy here -- years can dull the pain. Family is family, even after death, so it's always going to be difficult. In the meantime, we can learn to think about the good memories and the positive gifts that person left for us, rather than the pain their departure brought. At least, that is my experience. I don't want to think that my father's passing was an injustice, but rather, that he has left a great legacy from when he was alive, and that's what I tell everyone I talk to. It brings me closer to acceptance.

Grief is such an extreme, it will stay with you, but you can learn to live with it.

It helps for me to think that the deceased would have never wanted me to be sad.

I actually have a hard time answering this type of question, I cried when my mom passed, yet not my dad, even I was closer to him than her. I was raised in a very christian household, yet I am atheist now. I look at death as a natural part of life, and have accepted it as such. Sadly my wife at times feels I am cold toward a loss because of death, but it's not a coldness, it's a completion of life. I miss my 2 best friends that have now passed, I miss my parents, that have passed, but I accept their passings as only an ongoing part of life, as we know it, and it will all come to everyone of us. I miss my conversations with my wife's uncle "Pat" who accepted me as who I am yet could never understand how I could be an atheist, I miss my wife's grand-uncle, that was a born-again christian that accepted me for who I am and believe. But they have passed and live on, in mine and many others memories. Those were 2 people I disagreed with, yet respect and long for their companionship, but it is gone. So life goes on.

I am so sorry for your loss, I can only tell you I have been there, and feel your pain.

I am so sorry for your loss. :( My condolences to you and your family. Yes, the loss of a loved one can be grievous and painful for a time, perhaps for a long time. However, allowing oneself to grieve has many benefits. Says the book The Art of Condolence: “The bereaved need to allow the pain and anguish of their suffering to take place. Healing is hampered by resisting the process.” So feel free to mourn and weep. Says the book Death and Grief in the Family: “Crying is one of the most important ways of getting the sadness out.”

Allowing oneself to weep can aid the healing process. Coping with the death of your sister is by no means easy. But be assured that, in time, feelings of sadness will no longer dominate you. Sad memories of your departed sister will still come into your mind from time to time. Yet you also have many warm and comforting memories to dwell upon. :)

For some people, it doesn't get easier. The only thing you can do is put it in the back of your mind and hope it doesn't manifest itself into a mental illness.

Yes it gets easier .. But the hurt and the feeling of loss never goes away completely.

I think you learn to live with it, but when the thoughts come up they can be as fresh as the day that person left.  I think four years is no time at all, especially for a sister, and one that it appears you feel like went under circumstances that cause anger within you. There just never seems enough time, and then it's gone. Anger is also a very normal response, I felt cheated/robbed when I lost my Granddad to cancer because I felt he deserved better, and I wanted more time with him, but then cancer doesn't discriminate.  I think I would of felt that way if he'd lived to be 100. We get caught up in life, and it passes by real quick, my partner says "Here today, gone tomorrow," and it's so very true, you just never know what's around the corner, and maybe that's a good thing. Then there is the uniqueness of an individual, they break the mould at birth and when they are gone you will never experience them again, it seems so final.

It never really goes away, but it does get easier over time.  I have come to a place where I can enjoy my memories of loved ones.  Many times I actually laugh out loud when I recall some of the hilarious things they said or did.  It keeps them close in my heart.