By the sounds of it, he may have committed suicide? ("... If I had contacted him I would have been able to help.") If so, my sincerest condolences.
I have had several friends who have committed suicide over the years and it is definitely something that is hard to accept, especially if the person you knew did not leave a note. In saying that, even if they do, it is still hard to accept the fact that they didn't contact you or anyone else to try and sort things out before resorting to "that" way out.
All I can give advice on is what I have done from my experience and that is, first of all, to forgive your friend for what they have done. Regardless of the circumstances and the reasons, this will help you to move on.
The second, is to direct the same love and friendship you felt for that person elsewhere. For example, with my friend who passed away, I made a vow to do all I can for his little sister who he left behind.
Lastly, you still need to move on. Not neccessarily forget them, but at least accept that they are now gone and there is nothing you can do to change that. In a way, a life has already been "wasted" and there is no use in "wasting" another life (yours) regreting things that happened in the past.
I had a similar experience with an ex girlfriend. My best mate was there for me and he made this suggestion. Write her a letter telling her how sorry you were to hear of her passing and mention some private thoughts you shared. Then I was to light a candle for her in chapel and say a wee prayer for her. On my first visit to the graveside I was to bury the letter and say my goodbyes. It helped me. I know its not for everyone but I felt really good about it.
Goneanon: You can't blame yourself for who you are. We all have a right to be happy. Maybe cheating was not the best decision to make, but when you made that decision, you were doing the best you could to determine who you are and what you wanted. It makes sense to want to hold on to your girlfriend back then "just in case" the person you cheated on her with met your needs better.
I say this because I too cheated on one of my ex boyfriends (my first which lasted 5 years) because our relationship had dwindled into long distance and his "needing space to concentrate on work and school." In my adolescent (when I was figuring out who I am and what I need/want) need for attention and love, I went out with friends and attracted the attention of another guy. I felt guilty about sleeping with him and ended up telling my ex about it. Then he broke up with me and told me he'd never speak to me again. I'll be damned if he hasn't kept his word...can you believe this still haunts me 13 years later?
The same thing happened to me 3 months ago. I was with my boyfriend for a year, he cheated on me so I broke up with him, I still loved him. He kept telling me he was depressed and was thinking of 'ending it all', but I thought it was a plea to get me back. Then a few days later I found out he had hung himself. Struggling with it really.
Goodness, how tragic. There are several steps to grieving... And I hate to see anyone stuck in the process because of the pain. Words of hope and light seem to dribble to the ground like rain and tears, and little seems to help.
First, you must realize and accept that even if you had contacted him, there is no reason to believe this may have changed his mind or the outcome. Think about his current friends, they must ask themselves this very same question. I have to points of advice. 1: Seek out his friends and tell them how you feel and why you feel responsible even in a small way, then help console each other. 2: Seek a greiving group, your local church leader or librarian can help you find one.
I hope your pain eases as it should in time... You have my sympathies and my prayers.
It is indeed a true loss but you really can not do anything about it. Time is the best healer and you should feel that he was never with you before nor he ever will.
It hard for you I know ive lost my uncle and my ex nearly died from a rapist but what you should do is cry as much as you can get out of your system if you are going to the funeral make sure you have a relative to cry on if you need to release your sorrow there is another way drinking.
The person or thing that caused his death is not 4 you to thing about thinking about the killer is only should make it worse 4 you so just cry it all out and if you have never gone drinking now is the time.
And I'm sorry that your strong bond has been broken. I hope this helps.
You can think about other things in your life instead of him like finding another better boyfriend and also maybe you would like a new bestfriend.
So sorry, not much you can do except move on with your life with your head held high - I know you will never forget him but try your best to live your life. X