An enemy nation has invaded your country. There is little time to react so you grab the object nearest your person to use as a weapon to defend yourself. What is the object?

My dog.  She's a Chihuahua/Jack Russell cross, almost 16 years old, has lost half her teeth, and would rather sleep than eat, but she'd defend me to the death., (Mine, not hers.)

She's no lap dog; she's a laptop dog.

The closest thing to me is always my coffee mug. So I guess that'll have to do.

Easy enough! I would just walk out to the drive way and fire this baby up !    

My smart phone. Apparently someone surgically grafted it to my hand. At least I'll be able to get updates on areas to avoid, and if I go down I'll be sure get that last FB status update out warning people away.

40mm smith n Wesson ,

It's under my bed sticking out so I can grab it fast .

The keys to my Vespa and a pretty pink taser I bought for my niece. Those Nazi's are going to get run down by this

I got a banana. I'm only effective if we're being invaded by Italians. Cause I'm Donkey Kong. Get it? HA HA HA!

My water bottle or my kindle....either within reach at any given time!

There is nothing nearest my person that would be useful in any way to fend off a foriegn invasion force. This is what we bankroll the trillions of dollars to the Dept of Defense for. 

As a Martial Arts expert, I'm trained to use anything that I have close at hand and do the ultimate damage I can with it

My acid and unusually hurtful wit.

Well ... It depends on which nation is invading, and whether or not I think I would prefer their governance to the current one.

If so ... I'd grab a white pillowcase and immediately surrender.

LOL

Having traveled to many countries including those who, shall I say, dislike the US, I believe the "myth" that every American has a gun on his or her hip and two in the kitchen and would rather shoot first and ask questions latter has deterred many from even thinking about it.

My real metal assassin's creed hidden blade with firing knives