What would you think if you recieved an invitation to a baby shower, at a local diner, asked to bring money for your own lunch (dutch), and the mommy only wants diapers and wipes?

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9 Answers

Jann Nikka Profile
Jann Nikka answered

I would think someone was thinking of me and I would go, pay for my own lunch, bring a package of diapers and baby wipes, have fun and be happy.

PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

If it was a second, or more, child, I would say the mom-to-be is looking for a day out without putting too much pressure on her friends. And gladly comply. I would find that an odd thing for a first child.

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PJ Stein
PJ Stein commented
Not a trend that I am aware of. Is the mom hosting, or is someone else? If the mom is, it sounds like she is tight on money snd wants diapers.

If someone else is, they are the ones lack ok ng social graces.
PJ Stein
PJ Stein commented
"lacking social
dragonfly forty-six
I apt to agree on social graces. It's her sister hosting, the mom is lacking nothing. Which is why she wants only diapers. I see that, its easy. Gator check out Danae's thread on my thoughts on "easy".
Janis Haskell Profile
Janis Haskell answered

I would honor her request and enjoy the shower.  Whatever makes her happy!

Ancient Hippy Profile
Ancient Hippy answered

I would go, but bring my own boxed lunch and give her a highchair.

Danae Hitch Profile
Danae Hitch answered

If this is her fourth child, she already knows what she's going to need. It is a little crass to have everyone go Dutch at a diner. That's the weird part. She could have had this at her home, provided lemonade, water and cookies. On the invite, she could have put - Mama needs diapers for the baby! - and called it good.

So I'm with you on the approach. However, as we wind our way in this world, there aren't many people out there with courtesy and manners and think nothing of manipulating people to get what they want. At least you know the diapers will go to good use. She could have had a link to an expensive baby site.

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dragonfly forty-six
Good point, Danae. I agree about this younger generation. From the responses, I see that many find it to be a novel idea. Easier for all around. I think two things about that. 1 its time to roll with the changes, this might be where we've gone now. 2nd we never had showers for 4th children unless it was a different sex or the parents were in need. If we had a celebration we didn't do it easy for everyone, we celebrated!!! Even if we had ice tea, lemonade, ice box cookies or ice box cake and parlor games. We laughed a lot, it was simple but nice. In a diner, divying up a check, handing over a package of diapers seem easy yes.....but is that a good thing???
Danae Hitch
Danae Hitch commented
If you are close to that person, you might try and suggest having this at her house (your house?) might be easier and less stress. Tell her that no one expects a house from Good Housekeeping - vacuum, run a dust rag over the furniture, bake some cookies, make lemonade and call it good.

If not, I would just go to celebrate with her. I had a good friend tell me that I was trying to do too much to celebrate my son's birthday when it rolled around in October. That no one expected me to do it all as a single parent. I tried to be mad at her when she said that - but took a step back and found she was right.

Her family has a family celebration dinner for the birthday person who gets to choose what they want to eat and who they want to cook it (four kids plus parents in that family). They may get a gift - their family does not overdo in the gift department by any means. And they are way happier with this way of doing it.
dragonfly forty-six
Great points. I appreciate the input. I was really happy with all of the responses, it was exactly what i was looking for. Thank you!
Bikergirl Anonymous Profile

I would think someone was kind enough to think that I would want to join the celebration...and I would appreciate just being included.

  Showers (whether it be a bridal shower or baby shower is irrelevant) .. It's a gathering of support in honour of an event.

I think it's a great idea to throw an event like a shower to honour, celebrate and provide a gifting opportuntity for a new mother .. At no cost to anyone.  There is nothing wrong with just being present at the event and gifting the new mother with such basic items .. In fact I think it is brilliant!

Georgia Gal Profile
Georgia Gal answered

After attending a few baby showers myself. If someone invited me to theirs and only wanted me to buy my own food and throw them a pack of diapers and wipes I would say, Thank you! And honestly, diapers are one of the best gifts you can give the baby. If that's all she's asking for maybe she's already had things given to her or maybe she still has items from her other children (if she has any) and don't need anything else but diapers and wipes. Babies use A LOT of them. I guess I've been to too many showers where it feels like they want me to furnish the whole home..lol..so I would say I was lucky if I was just asked to bring diapers and buy my food.

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dragonfly forty-six
Thank you, Angeline.
Georgia Gal
Georgia Gal commented
Tiger Paws, no problem. Out of curiosity I hit edit the first day I was on here. I don't think I realized that the person would receive a notification about it..lol.. oops.
Tinkerbell St. Basil Profile

When we have showers for the girls at work, we all go to a local restaurant each one of us buys her own meal and then everyone pitches in for the mother-to-be's meal. The weird thing is I've never gone to a baby shower for someone who is having their fourth child.  Usually by then you have everything. But if they are strapped for money I see no reason why you shouldn't go and have a good time and give her whatever you can.

Yin And Yang Profile
Yin And Yang answered

I feel kind of bad..... I have four kids and had a baby shower for each one. I thought thats what was suppose to happen. Now keep in mind I have four kids all expanding over a 20 year span. (My oldest was almost 18 when my youngest was born.) So safety features changed as well as recalls and regulations etc. But that doesn't help your situation. I LOVE the thoughts you have from all our friends Dragonfly. You all are so insightful.

On a side note, I think your friend is being reasonable. But no matter what please don't tell her you think it's "un-cooth" or that you have a problem with what she is expressing she wants/needs. When I got married my dad paid for my dress and provided the reception area. My husband and I paid for the rest. About a month before we got married my husband's company went under and laid off their workers so I sent out a kind note that if my guests were going to get us a gift, please can it be money towards rent and the honeymoon (we wanted to be kids again so we planned a day and a night at Magic Mountain...... Not the Bahamas! Lol) Anyways after we got back I was talking with my best friend.... Aka my maid of honor..... And she said it was a wonderful beautiful wedding but the only thing she didn't like was that I asked people for money for a gift. She said that was kind of rude and what if they wanted to buy me something instead. For some reason it stuck with me. I never knew if I was in the wrong but it kind of hurt. She of all people knew my situation. I wish she would have just left that last part out. It wasn't like I enjoyed having to ask. 😒

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dragonfly forty-six
Morning, sweet Yin. In your case you qualify on both accounts. Jr. is the only boy and i know at times your family has really been in need. I also like your thoughts on outdated baby equipment. You have helped me, sweet.
I'm sorry that your bestie hurt your feelings, and although you all know me to be vocal, I'll keep my mouth shut and play along. As others have stated, to be asked is very thoughtful. I am grateful and plan on celebrating even if it's strange to me.
I too appreciated all of the input here, it gave me food for thought. Exactly what I needed. I appreciated that everyone took the time to answer, and gave me opinions on the invite. Another thought: What is the hostess going to do if someone can't afford lunch and shows up and doesn't eat? Everyone going to eat in front of them? Depending on the amount of people, I might just pick up the whole check. I guess the whole thing just seems cold to me. Don't know how else to explain that.
Danae Hitch
Danae Hitch commented
I'm not sure that she would notice. It could be that she might be embarrassed by the whole thing being at the diner and may not be noticing her guests and what they are eating. If you notice someone not ordering, lean over and tell them, very softly, "Please order what you want - your lunch is on me."

When the baby shower is over and done with, look back at it and the mom-to-be. Was she happy how it turned out? Was she able to get the diapers and wipes that she needed? If so, then I think it was worth the awkwardness of the invite and subsequent diaper request.
Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented

You are both very sweet. 😊

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