Can You Give Me An Example Of A Baptist Church Welcome Speech?


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Bless be the tie that binds our hearts with Christian Love is the Doxology this morning.  While we sing it together, turn to your neighbor and new friends with us today, and shake their hand with the song and a smile on your face.  Truly we are bound together with Christian love. ... That is, all who are not homosexual.  For those, we ask them to leave because we cannot acercept that God created them with the perfection that He created the rest of us.

Now that you have all been greeted with Christian love, that is except for those homosexuals who God created in the depth of their DNA to romantically love someone of the same gender.  God seemed to have played a trick on them when he created their DNA in their mother's womb.  Because God loves them as he loves the best of us, we wish them well and we will pray for their souls because we just cannot fatham having them in the same Heaven to which He has invited us.

Now that they have left and Gods purity is in the rest of us, I welcome you to this House of God where we are careful about those whom we judge as to have sinned and we have decided just who He accepts and love.  Surely the best of His Creation is here to join us today.  

We welcome you to this Baptist church which is like all others.  There are many among us who in Christ's perfection have gained insight in the matter of selectively deciding which of our members they choose to hold in contempt.  There is no Church where the backkbitters are more welcomed than right here.  You can join them and the rest of us at the business meeting this Wednesday and be amazed at how much hatred and anger they hold toward their fellow church members who have differing opinions.  You will feel totally uncomfortable at their snares and hateful stares at the specific individuals whom they choose to always critize with rancor.  The make our church a more exciting place.  If you are not one of them, and you are not yet the object of their ugliness, we pray that you will soon find your place.

Now shall we sing together, "God, Rain Your Punishment Upon Us"

(That's how it was in the Baptist Church that I finally left at age 40, 32 years ago.  It is sad that the above seems so true among Baptists.)

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